What’s in a name?

Last Sunday young master Ellis Alexander Hepburn celebrated his naming day with his family and friends.

He turned one just the week before, and we ended with a truly rousing rendition of Happy Birthday, but there were lots of other elements to the occasion too, both as part of the ceremony, and the party.

I got to know Ellis’s parents a wee bit when I conducted their wedding in the Gardens at Inchyra Byre back in 2014, so was properly chuffed when they wrote asking how the Naming thing might work…which is a very good question!

 

Like our wedding and funeral ceremonies, a naming is written just for you, and will be about the child themselves in most cases, but may also be about what is important in their lives, and the lives of those around them.

They can take place anywhere, and at a time that will suit the baby or the family, or both. So Ellis’s do was at the local Bowling Club where his Granddad was a member for many years, and has been a focus of family life for a long time…
Stephanie, Ellis’s Mum even working behind the bar there when she was a student!

There is a pretty endless list of things that can happen at a naming, from words, thoughts laughs and disasters shared, to symbolic gestures, such as lighting candles, giving special gifts, or even planting a tree or making pledges or vows to the baby.

You can have a good play on the web finding things that appeal to you, but ‘usually’ we have poems, and occasionally a song, a bit about the family and the pregnancy, a bit about the Guide Parents (or Odd Parents?) if you're having any, and why they’ve been chosen, and sometimes a bit from them too, perhaps about what they are looking forward to sharing with the wee one as they grow up.

Depending on the age of the baby or child, once you know a bit about their character, it can be nice to talk about who they are becoming too, as well as how the family and parents and those around them might be instrumental in their lives at different stages. 

If the wee one has older siblings or is part of a larger or extended family group, then big sisters and brothers, cousins, step Sib's or whoever might want to take a key role in welcoming their new partner in crime.

I got together with Stephanie, Steve and wee Ellis a few months ago to talk through all that, and we came up with a shortlist of what they fancied over the cups of tea (and I even got a proper snugly baby cuddle, 'cause Ellis is friendly like that!?!), then I sent them a question list of things they’d need to think about, write or tell me, and roughed a draught out for them once I had all that - plus my notes, and we even managed to adapt their own marriage vows into their pledges to their son.

So last Sunday, that all came together with a MONSTER theme.

Awesome cake, loads of colour and a veritable ocean of children and food. There were toys and games, fizz for the grown ups and a soft play area set up once the ceremony bit was over. They also had a Time Capsule chest for everyone to put gifts into for when he's 18...so lots of imaginative and hilarious offerings in there, along with a copy of the ceremony and the certificate his parents and odd parents signed.  There was a collection too for the Sick Kids Hospital in Edinburgh, where Ellis had spent a few days as a tot.

The photos from the naming are by the lovely and very patient Kirsty McLachlan will hopefully set the scene for the wee excerpts of the ceremony I’ve put in below...link to her details is at the bottom.

A properly lovely day, and huge thanks to Steve, Stephanie and all their guests for letting me post all this, and last but not least thank you to Ellis for being so incredibly patient and cheerful at his ceremony...and I hope your Dad remembers all your guests (and your celebrant!) when you lift the Webb Ellis Trophy for the Scottish Rugby team, and he wins a monstrous huge prize on that sneaky wee wager he made at the bookies the day they officially registered your name!!

"…and we’re going to start with some advice, for Ellis from his big Cousin Skye"

Jump in puddles
Dance in the rain
Play in the mud
Don’t worry about stains

Go barefoot
Wear clothes that don’t match
Lay on the ground
Enjoy the feel of the grass

Laugh out loud
Catch a snowflake on your tongue
Enjoy every moment
Of being young

+++

Parent Pledges

Ellis, your parents promise to love & support you

give you the best of themselves

listen to you, trust you and respect you as your own person

remind you that you are not expected to be perfect

cherish & guide you

help you learn right from wrong

share with you their time and attention

show you how to respect others & the world around you

bring joy, strength and imagination to your life

encourage your dreams and help shoulder your challenges

be there whenever you need them

and laugh with you every day.

They also promise to

Let you jump in puddles, dance in the rain, climb trees and roll in the mud, 

no matter how much mess it will make

Tell you frequently how much they love you and how proud they are of you, 

 even when it makes you cringe

And, most importantly, 

never forget how lucky they are to be your parents and be the best parents they can be.

Stephanie and Steve also make the same promises to Ellis that they made to each other on their wedding day:

Ellis, today before your family and our friends

Your parents proudly acknowledge you as their son

Loving what they know of you,

and trusting what they do not yet know,

they look forward to the laughter

and falling in love with you a little more every day.

Whatever your future may hold,

they will always, always be there for you.

Stephanie and Steve, do you undertake to try and fulfil these aims?

We do

 

+++

 

Photos by

Kirsty McLachlan

http://www.kirstymclachlan.com/

Murthly Castle: Max & Hannah

Photographs by Ricky Baillie

I'm very excited to share these pictures, and had a hard time choosing as you can see...While the actual ceremony was in Murthly Castle Chapel, with the reception in a Triple Tepee in the walled garden there, the Brides Team got ready at Eastwood House, and the Grooms Team got ready at Dunkeld House - so between them they covered almost all my most local venues...in fact a few photos over at the Hermitage would have completed the set!

Anyway, the Chapel is amazing in many ways...the colours, the history, the artworks, the positive feel of the place, and indeed the family who care for it and by whom it is still used by as a place of worship, as well as allowing Humanist's like myself to conduct ceremonies there.

...and although I've conducted several over the years, I have so far failed spectacularly to get any decent photos...So Hannah sending these through and saying I can take my pick pretty much made my day, and I couldn't wait to get them up here! 

Photographs by Ricky Baillie

 Hannah & Max fell in love with the place on their first speculative visit, and wanted to get all the family and friends away from the usual haunts in Edinburgh for the celebrations.

They'd been together for over 10 years already, and are very close to all of each others families and friends, so there weren't going to be any awkward introductions or quiet tables at the meal, and that familiarity also meant that they felt comfortable enough to be absolutely themselves, and pretty relaxed - even in all their finery, and standing in front of everyone.

Photographs by Ricky Baillie

Who says veils don't work on windy days? Depends what you want to use them for!

Photographs by Ricky Baillie

In contrast to the drama of the setting the ceremony itself was elegantly simple and flowed beautifully, with a string quartet playing and particularly lovely readings, but no handfasting, candles or anything...just beautiful words about Hannah & Max themselves, their lives together and their friends and families...and several teasing mentions of their devotion to food!

Photographs by Ricky Baillie

 The vows were simple but heartfelt too, borrowed from the work of Bertrand Russell

Today I marry my Best friend,

The one I have laughed and cried with,

The one I have learned from and shared with,

The one I have chosen to support, encourage,

And give myself to, 

Through all the days given us to share.

Today I marry the one I love.

Thank you for letting me share a few glimpses of your day guys, and my very best wishes for the future.

Links below to the Venue at Murthly Estate and to the Photographer, Ricky Baillie

Photographs by Ricky Baillie

http://www.rickybaillie.com/edinburgh-wedding-photographer-ricky-baillie-latest-weddings-blog/


http://www.murthly-estate.com/

Jan & Ruth ~ Newport on Tay ~ September 2016

Thank you very much!  It was a beautiful day for all of us. 

Everything went to plan, and everybody had a brilliant time. The ceremony went brilliantly, everybody really enjoyed the personal touches, and the weather certainly played its part too. 

We couldn't have wished for anything more. A big thank you to you!!

Melissa & Michael ~ Leng Memorial Chapel ~ September 2016

 

 

 

Allan & Sally ~ Atholl Palace, Pitlochry

"Our  humanist celebrant was Jane Bechtel, 

we loved her on our first meeting 

 as she was so laid back 

so it set the mood from the get go."

Marc & Jordan - August 2016

Our grooms: Marc and Jordon! 

With hand-painted 'tux' glasses. (All the guests

got one.  Not just for the fizz, but to take home, too.)

Centre stage was the cake...surrounded by 

the Groomsmaids' bouquets.  The ladies looked 

amazing, all dressed in black, their flowers

setting the rainbow-colour theme.

 

The ultimate village hall transformation, 

each table in one of the theme colours.  

Talk about attention to detail!

Jamie & Sarah ~ August 2016

Hi Jane, 

Really a heartfelt thank you from both of us on the ceremony, so many people were really touched at how personal and fitting it was and you brought a great sense of fun and calmness to the whole proceedings,  as well as some great adaptability to the weather!! And of course managing to help Sarah through her vows without the dreaded tears! 

Thanks again for helping us make it such a special ceremony which really set a great tone for a fabulous, and a little wild party to follow! 

Jamie & Sarah.

Rachael & Mark ~ April 2016 ~ Dunkeld House Hotel

Jen and Craig ~ 20 May 2016 ~ Huntingtower Hotel, Perth

Craig's Vows

Jen, I love you

From the tips of my toes

to the ever decreasing hairs on my head

I love how you accept me for who I am

How you are kind and gentle

How you suport and encourage me

How you challenge and inspire us

You are the Leia to my Han

The Belle to my Beast

The angel to my cake

You are the first person I think of when I wak

The last person I think of when I go to slepp

I vow to love you when it's easy and love you more when it's not

I vow to stand by your side for our amazing journey through life

I vow to be the man you deserve

Jen's Vows

Craig, you drive me mental.

Your untidiness makes me want to pull my hair out,

Your podcasts make me want to scream,

And your casual desregard for punctuality makes me want to smack my head off a wall.

But despite all of this, I happen to love you very much.

I love the way you always know how to make me laugh.

Your constant optimism is infectious and

Your love of life is unquestioning. 

You always see the good in people,

And you always see the best in me.

Not a day goes by when I don't thank my lucky stars that we met.

The last three years have been the happiest of my life,

And I love you more and more as each day passes.

You make my life complete.

I promise to support and encourage you in all that you do,

And to love you for the rest of my days...

...To infinity and beyond.

Together:

Do you promise to share your lives with each other;

To love and protect each other;

And to always be supportive and understanding?

"We do."

Do you promise to be trusting and honest;

To comfort and encourage each other

In times of sickness and in health,

Whatever the future may hold

From this day forward?

"We Do"

...and to all our guests, today, do you, their friends and family who have loved and supported them in the past, offer your blessing for Jen and Craig's marriage, promising to support and encourage them in their lifelong commitment to each other?  If you agree, please say, "We do."

"We do."

Atholl Palace ~ 1 August 2015

The Hermitage, Dunkeld

Marrying friends is always going to be special for any celebrant, and I was truly delighted when Crispin & Paula asked me to conduct their extra select wedding at the Hermitage in Dunkeld. With only 3 couples and their kids as guests, it was among the most personal weddings I've ever been part of....

Each of the guests had a job to do in the ceremony, whether that be doing a reading, or taking over a part of the ceremony that is more usually done by me...but when the story of a couple, their lives together and the years that have gone by is written & read by someone who was there the night they met, it can only be more personal & meaningful than anything I could have written.

They did everything their own way, and added twists and ideas I've never thought of...they had chosen to have a secret "Why I love you" bit in the ceremony and Paula went above and beyond the call of duty (!) by composing & declaring hers with the aid of a heap of carefully ordered Love Heart sweets, kept safe in a mini Tupperware box, that said it all for her.


The tie they used for their hand fasting was amazing too...it was woven ribbon, but they had added all sorts of bits and pieces from around their home to it as well: toys representing their family life, and bits and bobs from both their working lives as well as contributions from the kids....and speaking of the kids, when I asked them to pose for the shot, they really outdid themselves!
 

 All the Young Dudes!

Forter Castle - 1 June, 2016

Andrea & Tom ~ Atholl Palace ~ November 2015

As you might know, Humanists don't have a book of rules that says what a marriage should be, understanding that each marriage is as individual as the couple who are making it their own.  For Andrea and Tom, marriage means:

Accepting one another, in his or her entirety, as a lover, companion and friend.  It means caring and working for each other so that each feels loved, safe and secure.

It means to give your support, patience, and try your best to be understanding (not always easy!).

Being there for each other when the other needs it the most.  Helping with Architect exams!

It means putting a cold face cloth on Tom's head when he has a migraine...or is hungover.

Best of all, this marriage will signify a union of two amazing families, with plenty "character" (Jack's 'irn bur' kilt) and a lot of love to give.

 In committing themselves to each other in marriage, Andrea and Tom will share laughter and tears, joy and sadness...they will not belong to each other, but will belong with each other.

 They each understand that the commitment they are making today will require hard work and sacrifice on both sides, that their voyage through life together will sometimes be calm and may sometimes be story, but they know now that their love for each other will see them through.

Atholl Palace, September 2015

Elizabeth & Brent ~ Lands o' Loyal Hotel, Alyth ~ August 2015

Lizzy and Brent were very, VERY firm about how they did NOT want their wedding to be...and, despite the old world setting, did an amazing job of making the whole occasion their own and of being themselves throughout...hence Brent's total disregard for the idea that the groom should NOT stand there with his hands in his pockets!

There were a lot of laughs in the ceremony, too, and Lizzy and Brent were even brave enough to let their readers not only choose, but write, their own contributions...and let them keep them secret until the ceremony, too!

Sam and Nathan ~ Crail ~ 20 June 2015

 

The New Family! ~ Aaron, Hayley & Flynn ~ Balmakwan Coach House, Angus ~ February 2015

"Now, when I asked these two to think about what they wanted to say to each other -- and, indeed, about each other -- today, Hayley was very honest in saying that Aaron isn't really one for poems, so the ones we'll hear today have been chosen by her, but with his approval!

This first piece is amazing, and I'm delighted to be reading it for you...Hayley loves this as she thinks it's short, sweet, and embodies one of the most important things about true love: always thinking of the one you love and never what you will get in return.  We don't even know if it has a name, but we do think that it was written in the 14th Century by the Sufi philosopher 'Hafiz'.

Even
After
All this time
The Sun never says to the Earth,

"You owe me."

Look
What happens
With a love like that,
It lights the whole sky.

 And we are here, today, to see these two rather nervous, but happy people joined to each other in Marriage in the ancient traditions of humanity, with a love that lights up all our lives, just by being itself..."

Happy February 2015! ~ Pam & Mark, Wedding No. 1 ~ Murrayshall, Scone

These two really put me to the test!

While they had planned their wedding in loads of time and had applied for a registrar to conduct the ceremony, sadly they were let down by a lawyer who failed to get their paperwork to them in time to get it all sorted, and of course the registrar cannot conduct a non-legal ceremony; so, with all the guests invited and frocks bought, Pam called me in tears on the Wednesday lunchtime...we met at 5:00 that night at the Red House Hotel, and I went home to draft the ceremony...and sent them off to think about Vows!

First draft was in their inbox by 11:00 a.m. on the Thursday, finalised that evening over the phone, and we got them married in a non-legal -- but very personal -- ceremony on the Friday afternoon!

Pam and Mark Wedding No. 2! 
I'm delighted to say we kept in touch, and, with the legal paperwork finally sorted, I had the proper pleasure of marrying them -- for real -- in their own front room with a handful of pals on the 7th of May, 2016.   

Hilarity at Prestonfield House ~ Vicky & Ford ~ 19 September 2014

This brave groom stood at the front and played the pipes as his bride was escorted into the Garden Room...and the sun came out soon after so we got photos outside, even if we didn't manage to have the ceremony on the lawns.  There was a lot of warmth and humour from all who spoke that day.

I have two daft but entertaining extra reasons to remember this one...there was a helicopter parked outside the hotel that would be used the next week to ferry guests to the Golf Open at Gleneagles (how the other half live!)...and, just five minutes before the ceremony started, I had to ask the groom to swap positions with me at the front of the room:  when I popped out to fix my lippy and wash my hands before the ceremony, I went to use the lovely posh hand lotion, only to have the dispenser fire it out at me sideways, and it spat out a long line down the front of my suit trousers!  No hope of getting it out before we started (it had to be dry-cleaned to get it off), so I just had to swap sides with the groom so that I could stand side-on to the guests...and it didn't look like I'd dribbled my lunch!

Eastwood House, Dunkeld

The beautiful Ange with photographer Nikki Leadbetter in spectacular light at Eastwood House, Dunkeld, just before the ceremony.

The ceremony and reception was actually held in a Teepee in the grounds, right on the banks of the Tay, but the venue lends itself to smaller gatherings too, and the gardens make a lovely reception space if the weather is on your side, as it was for us that day. They served cake with the Champagne after the ceremony, which everyone approved of...I think there were 5 kinds!

As well as the ones eaten after the ceremony, Andy & Ange also had this rather spectacular cake that depicts them (and a dozing Rowan!) on the Meadows in Edinburgh, where they met through the friendship of their respective dogs who - though not present at the ceremony - were honoured by the reading of "Falling in love is like owning a dog" by Taylor Mali.

Andy and Ange also incorporated a naming for their son Rowan into the ceremony, who pretty much stole the show, coo'ed giggled and sang throughout, to the delight of all!